David Orme-Johnson - David and Rhoda’s 60th - Maharishi on marriage
On June 15, 1963, a Jewish judge in Cleveland, Ohio married Rhoda and me. That makes today our 60th anniversary!
People often ask what is the secret to a long marriage. The main thing that what is happening in life is we are evolving, and what that means for each of us is constantly changing. As long as we are moving forward we are happy. In a marriage, or in any relationship, if you want the other person to love you, help them with their evolution.
Rhoda and I compliment each other in so many ways. But the short of it is, after 60 years of so many things that we have gone through, I really love just being with her. We continue to have so many things to talk about and I always get a glow just sitting next to her.
Here are some transcripts of Maharishi answering questions about marriage. The first one is about the effects of “unstressing” on marriage. “Unstressing” refers to the stresses that come out as the body normalizes during deep meditation, but Maharishi’s reply is applicable to any negatively in a relationship.
Maharishi on marriage
Q: How do we handle this unstressing on each other?
Maharishi: [laughter] Alright. In marriage both unstress on each other. It’s OK. We just accept it. It will get better and better. Don’t become attached to the stress. The stress goes. So one can get stronger. Life is fullness. Stress will go. When stress goes, life gets better. Don’t get attached to the stresses. Something very good is happening.
Q: Does this unstressing help culture the heart? Something like master and disciple?
Maharishi: Both have very strong bonds! In marriage you live for each other. You surrender to each other. But since you live for each other, there is no sense of surrender. It is natural. Married life is, or should be, a life of one living for the other. We give maximum. We receive maximum. We both derive maximum. But if they live for oneself, then no one receives. One sacrifices that the joy is so great one doesn’t know. We share our life with each other.
The secret of married life is ‘yes.’ Wife says ‘yes’ to husband, husband says ‘yes’ to wife. We always say ‘yes.’ When we always say ‘yes’ it doesn’t matter what it is. We are progressing. If then want to differ, then raise the matter after four hours, never on the spot. Always after four hours. They won’t always go on ‘I want.’ You end the level ‘I’ in marriage. It is on the level of ‘you’ that is significant.
It is a bond of love. There is a proverb: ‘Love knows no reason.’ This is true. Reason I love him is because of this and this. The ‘becauses’ are always going to change. Love can’t depend on ‘because.’ ‘Because’ always changes. We have no reason. Love is natural, spontaneous, and complete.
The field of marriage is progressive. We get married because one can’t progress by oneself. We take a companion. We get married to progress together. It is very intimate. Life of a couple means one form of 200% of life. When we meditate, situation of marriage can only grow better.
Q: What role does marriage play in developing Cosmic Consciousness, God Consciousness, or the role of an SCI teacher?
Maharishi: Marriage of Absolute and relative. Marriage means mutually helping each other to grow. The man takes the woman and the woman takes the man to grow together. …This is natural help. The purpose of marriage is to help to grow and evolve together. We help each other to Cosmic Consciousness.
Q: What should a married couple need to know?
Maharishi: The purpose of marriage is on the level of giving. It is life in dependence. The man depends on the wife. Once he gives she depends, the wife depends on him. In marriage one agrees to depend on each other. We give to each other. Marriage is structured in dependence and giving. If marriage is on level of receiving, then no one gives and no one receives. This is the gulf of marriage. One should forget one’s freedom for the joy of each other. This is the structure of marriage.
Both need each other. We marry out of need. Married life is one of communion. They have to depend on each other. We suffer only when we don’t depend on each other and think of one ‘s self!
Marriage is a holy thing. It is very holy. Marriage is a tenderness of heart and mind.